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Jebus
Jebus is a potato lord that has been living in this universe since it existed. What, you said I spoke his name too softly? Well shit, that's too bad. Get a hearing aid, you deaf man. They're sold at your local retailer for a decent price, so get yo fatass to the store. ANYWAYS, his history goes way way back, long ago (and by way back I mean 13 or 14 years, no one really keeps track of that shit) to when Bren was conceived. The first thing Bren saw was a potato, making him hungry and obsessed with them for years to come. This particular potato that he saw his parents named. As they were reading about a news story, they were so shocked by the fact that a tree exploded and made 17 injured, that as his mother was about to say JESUS, she stopped at the JE-, as a bus rolled by outside. Then Bren'sfather interrupted her and said "BUS!". Thus, Jebus was born. Jebus was just a normal potato at this time. However, in 2077, prototype time machines will be created by Bren, and he will use his old potato as a "test pilot". Bren will try to send Jebus the potato back to 2030, teh best year in all teh yearz. (Don't worry, you'll find out why it's so amazing eventually.) However, since the machine will not be fully operable, the thing will screw up, give Jebus god-like powers, and send him back to the time of the Big Bang, which was actually just Jebus making his first burp. Jebus then proceeded to live forever. How can we predict the future? in the words of Mr. Bean, magic *snort snort* Nowadays, Jebus maintains the universe's supply of potatoes and watches the entire universe (but usually this one part of the Andromeda Galaxy where these pencil-Yoshi hybrids seek to fly to their neighboring planet and frolic in the sausage fields as they crap pancakes) from a pink reclining chair on some asteroid near Mars. He named his chair "Jebus Jr." since he has many memories of him and the chair, back when he first bought it at the local residents' garage sale. In his spare time (which is to say all the time), Jebus plays billiards games with the space angels and waxes his shoes. And yes, he has shoes. What for? For throwing at aliens passing by, of course, because what idiot would use shoes for wearing on their feet? And besides, he only waxes them so the aliens see something GOOD before they get hit. Who wants to get hit with a dirty shoe? See, Jebus thinks outside the potato skin. Not to be confused with Jehus, New Jerseyian taxi drivers that like trains and cookies that are not at all Bren OR Jehu, the king that ruled Packisreal for 0.33 years until Packy exploded, thus making Jehu dead. His carc'ass' was just...left there, because Packy killed him, thus he doesn't deserve a damned tombstone. because fuck living in the underground world Trivia Crap That No One Cares About *Since Jebus was originally a normal potato but was then sent back in time to become an immortal potato lord, during the years 1998-2077, there were actually two Jebuses–the normal potato and the potato lord. *Ever since a chat typo with Packy, it has been a fad between Bren and MCS to say JEBU, press enter, and then say the S, while chatting. *You can read more about Jebus's history in The Adventures of Jebus and Jebus Jr.. *It has become a recurring joke amongst Bren and MCS that Jebus has ass hair despite having no ass at all. Read more here. Category:Bren Category:Things That Bren Loves